just over a year ago i made a decision to not drink alcohol. it wasn’t a long term thing just a few months to kinda get my training on course. i had only set out for a few months of being a social outcast. in the few years prior i had definitely curbed my party ways. → Read more
gosh it sucks when this happens. things are all hunky dory. you’re going out for dinners, spending hours on the phone, getting those afternoon the thinking of you text messages are coming through at a comfortable not psychopath rate and then BOOM. nothing. tumble weed city. all of a sudden you’re left wondering where in gods name they have disappeared to and why the hell haven’t they at least given you a heads up.
but you see thats the thing. NO MESSAGE IS STILL A MESSAGE.
let’s not jump the gun here. give the person at least 24 hours to reply. there are some people that go into a meltdown if can’t see that little typing bubble replying as soon as you’ve hit that send button.
in prehistoric times before the cell phone was invented you rang the house phone you left a message. if they were a little fancy you may even get an answering machine to leave a message on.
but when you receive NOTHING NADA ZERO ZILTCH for more than a few days then that in itself is a crystal clear message that they do not want to communicate with you. it could be for a million different reasons. i could spend the rest of my days coming up with reasons. they dropped their phone in the loo. they’ve been in back to back meetings. they’re not feeling well. they’re just going for a rough patch. a rapid dog bit off their good texting hand. they had a massive bender and ended up incarcerated.
so what do YOU do now?
the only thing you can do really. get on with it. get on with life. we are only in charge of our own actions. we can’t make or force anyone to contact us or be in our lives. further more would you want to have someone in your life that thinks not communicating is okay ? i think not.
think of it as a blessing a sign from the universe a dodged bullet. look they may turn up down the track they may not.
maybe when you do you can take them back or maybe when they do you are with someone way hotter and nicer than they ever were.
its entirely your choice how to handle to it.
pick the happy path.
change your thoughts
oh like. the ridiculously, deliriously delicious beginning of possibly a new romance. the tingly sensation when you meet someone new that you fancy way to much. the pounding of your heart beat taking over while common sense decides to check out of your brain.
there is a method of coaching based on the science that we have 3 brain centres. head, heart and gut. when we start to fall into like, it’s safe to say that the heart brain decides to pull rank and take over from our logical thinking head brain and our do or don’t gut brain.
don’t get me wrong i love being in like. it’s so high school. the day dreaming, the fuzzy feeling, the doodling of their names into park benches (okay that might be a lil much to begin with). it’s just so nice to feel nice to like someone and have them feel the same.
the trouble seems to be with some of my clients that it can lead to not so great behaviours. being soooo in like can bring up questions if you start to forward think it too much. some clients researching wedding locations after a few dates. hello bunny boilers! over thinking and playing out scenarios of what can happen and what if it doesn’t happen can be a source of much anxiety and unnecessary stress.
taking pressure off the scenario will find you enjoying being “in like” more. being present in the moment and actually listening to the other person instead of nodding whilst you’re really thinking if it’s too soon to get monogrammed mr and mrs attire.
should you find yourself on the scary path of accidently liking an instagram pic of from 137 weeks ago you should really try to move where they are placed in your mind.
what the hell does that mean?
well we hold our thoughts, memories and behaviours in certain areas of our mind. majority of clients when asked to close their eyes and tell me where is the object of their affection, they turn up its usually right smack bang in front of them. i then ask to just move that person to a place in their mind where they can just keep them for a while so they can go back to concentrating on things like work, eating and driving on the right side of the road.
remembering your deal breakers instead of being that heart eyed emoji always helps too. when we are in the throws of like we over look things that in the long run is something that we don’t want to deal with. things like several children to different mothers/fathers, a complete difference on political views or perhaps they wear socks with sandals. what ever your deal breakers just because they are terribly good looking or an 11/10 in the bedroom these things will fall to the wayside.
most importantly, relax. it’s only a been a few dates. it may work and it may not. all you can do is be in charge of what you do. so be your best you.
so about a couple of years ago before i did my year in hong kong i was coming out of a “spiritual awakening” aka i had come out of toxic relationship and took a while longer than i would of liked to recover.
i felt like the ball in the pinball machine being knocked about back and forth in total reactionary mode by this stage i had gone back to reconnective healing sessions and was just searching for “something” to change or shift (had not yet grasped the whole thoughts create things concept yet). → Read more
even as I typed that heading out I can still feel the little sting that rejection brings.
being a coach I know I am torn when it comes to situations like this. the coaching part of me wants to look at the situation, detached from the emotion and find the learning in it. then there is the girl in me. the girl that was probably not prepared to really share her feelings but was going to anyway in hope that the situationship she had found herself in could be less fraught with drama by just laying her cards on the table….. but he never turned up. → Read more
angry doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling that took over my mind body and soul that night. it was probably closer to rage. a burning rage of hurt is more like it. i was red lining. smoked myself through a packet and half of winfield light blues and shaking from anxiety and the 5 energy drinks i had consumed in 2 hours. i was sitting at a house party not really listening to → Read more
urban dictionary defines “bae” as before anyone else (it also means poop in danish). so in this relationship (which was never really official) i was “before anyone else”.
the google definition of secret is – not known or seen or meant to be known or seen by others.
several years ago i was a secret bae.
not one of my finer moments, but definitely a huge lesson and blessing all in one for me.
for nearly two years on and off i was committed to someone. we did all things couples did. but its was unofficial. so basically giving the parties involved, a loop hole should “something happen”. a lot of somethings happened. each time a something happened i stayed. why? because there were still things that were good. very small things, but there was good there. it got to the point where i was just buried underneath a pile of “somethings” so that any good that was there, was so small it was pretty much invisible. → Read more
i literally hear this statement at least 3 times a day from my clients in my coaching practice. “i want to be the old me”. soul after soul longing to be someone that they used to be.
carefree me, don’t care what anyone says me, stand up for myself me, the live life to the fullest me.
where does “old me” go?
old me is still inside you somewhere. old me does not just disappear with those odd socks in the laundry, 4257 missing bobby pins and a few of my ex boyfriends. over time, circumstances and situations change. we get older. so we have responsibilities, rent, mortgages, children, school fees, holidays, horrible bosses, horrible partners and so on and so on. old me has not got the right brain software to deal with all these new things that are happening. → Read more
getting dumped, faded out, brushed off, broken up with blah blah blah. it all sucks.
when you are in a ship of sorts be it a relationship/situationship/complicationship, when it comes to an end, most of us are sitting around in a melting pot of emotions, questions, tears, snot, tissues and wine glasses.
this is all good and well in your late teens and twenties because it seems there is endless amounts of time to wallow around in the pain. however in your thirties and i’m guessing most of my lady mates and bros would agree, we perceive time a lot differently. we should be settled down, have a few rug rats and a mortgage. → Read more
i am so guilty of this myself. whenever my day or days start to get a little bit strange, perhaps i start seeing 11:11 a lot or strangers getting feisty in the car park when i’m on the grocery run i google the moon.
“oh it’s a new moon in gemini – that’s why everything is so cray cray.” or “mercury is retrograding so i better not sign any documents and be really clear when i communicate”.
look, i studied astrology many, many moons ago (pun intended) and i totally get that there are literally energies out that that do govern certain aspects of our lives but how much of that should we take on board? there appears to be a growing number of soulies, moon lovers and astrological enthusiasts that seem to be using the planets and stars as reasons for acting certain ways. → Read more