so about a couple of years ago before i did my year in hong kong i was coming out of a “spiritual awakening” aka i had come out of toxic relationship and took a while longer than i would of liked to recover.
i felt like the ball in the pinball machine being knocked about back and forth in total reactionary mode by this stage i had gone back to reconnective healing sessions and was just searching for “something” to change or shift (had not yet grasped the whole thoughts create things concept yet).
i’d book the 10 day camp away from the hustle and bustle of the city much to the astonishment of my friends and family as apparently i’m a “talkative” person and the idea of me being in a SILENT retreat was just mind blowing.
the person who was most concerned about the experience was my reconnective healing mentor. as the message i had received in that session was “to open up and speak”. but nooooo i had to learn the lesson myself.
so i took the time off work said good bye to loved ones and drove off to to the mountains.
the drive was amazing i felt lighter and lighter with each kilometre away from home i got. i knew that i would get something huge from this time away.
on arrival i handed my phone and car keys in and realised this was going to be hard work. i’m really going to cut myself off from everyone. we were not permitted to speak or have eye contact with anyone.
after the first sessions of meditation alot of “stuff” was coming up. things i thought i had dealt with. my natural instinct was talk about it. the more emotion and thought that came up the more i wanted to scream and let it out. no amount of chanting was helping me.
after 2 nights i woke up to a message “open up and speak” the same message that came to me in my reconnective healing session.
why had i denied my message? because i THOUGHT this was the right thing to do.
i marched my little legs over to the lead female teachers hut and begged to leave. she questioned my decision and asked if i was really sure that’s what i wanted and with tears streaming down my face i said yes. as soon as she had agreed to let me go the sense of relief was so phenomenal.
i grabbed my phone and keys and headed back on that highway home. blaring guns and roses on my radio i drove into maccas and got (what i believed at the time) the best meal ever.
i ended up coming home and calling all my friends arranging a dinner and girls night that evening that finished with a wander around sexpo! 12 hours earlier i was surrounded by nature and pure air and now i was surrounded by people who loved me and stalls selling dildos. talk about opposites.
i’ve had a few people say that i got nothing from my short stay but i disagree.
i learnt to LISTEN to myself.
if that inner voice is sayin “open up and speak” then you do that.
i learnt that its okay to not go with your gut straight away. you can always change your mind back and there is nothing wrong with that at all.
i learnt that if i was ever going to get past the hurt i would need to believe in myself and change my thoughts.